Pappu Can't Dance Sala
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: Indish
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Think Indian WRITE Inglish

Even after centuries of English and the language being India's  Official language the general public still is English shy as being a foreign language it stays so.As we've not developed our own English like say the Aussies speak " STRINE".We may have to develop INGLISH or INDIAN ENGLISH.Anyway Indian Cinema and the Adworld are incorporating many Indian idioms and are gaining everyday currency.Though the official language is the Queens/Kings English(They monarchy itself being Germanic!!) Americanese is dominating the biz world both syntactically and orally.

As a wag once remarked that England and America are two countries divided by one Language ie English.

A classical example being how they pronounce CATEGORY or for that matter LABORATORY.As it is , spellings to start with are a nightmare in English being etimological and not phonetic is further confounded by Americans with colour/color or Americanise/americanize.

See, how people write leave Applications.  

It's murder of English language. But Too Funny.

Just Read It.

The Leave Applications


·   Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:


"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.."


·   This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:


"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."


·
  Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:

"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."


·
  From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."


·
  Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

·
  An incident of a leave letter:  
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."
·
  A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

·
  Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

·
  Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
·
  Another one:  
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

·
  Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
·
  Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
·
  A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'.... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post........ .....

May the Souls of the CARLINS RIP!
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Vaazhkkayae by P.Jayachandran

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people....Who cares?

                     George Carlin

Elankiliyae by S.janaki

Supersede or Supercede?
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: Everyday English

Shanthi had made some nice idlis which is rare,I mean making then not it's texture ,which was fluffy and white along with coconut chutney and gunpowder.She does make a variety of Indian breakfast for us before she pushes off to  work and I'm left to my own devices.I said rare because we buy idlis from the Idly Woman who hawks them door to door.After all we eat three each.Being from the services I still follow the ettiquette of reading news paper on the breakfast table but its a definite no- no at lunch and dinner.I'd the article below in front of me and asked her ,"How do you spell supersede?".she replied pronto,"cede".I said wrong,"It's sede".

QUOTE: Can’t spell correctly? Can’t spell supersede correctly? If you think you’re stupid, you may be wrong. The consensus is that you are too clever, according to a new study.

A team of researchers for the Collins dictionary in Britain has carried out the study and found that people often misspelt a number of “confusing” words as they are actually too clever.

According to them, the most commonly misspelt English word is supersede —many come up with ‘supercede’ because of their knowledge of other words including intercede or precede.

The same theory applies to otherwords like consensus, liquefy and sacrilegious, the study found.

“The real spelling problems occur when people have learnt the rules or have a bit of knowledge, but make mistakes in how they apply this,” said Ian Brookes, managing editor, dictionaries, Collins.UNQUOTE.

BUT I'D A NAGGING DOUBT,SINCE THE US of A IS THE GREATEST CORRUPTER OF THE QUEENS ENGLISH.In one of the Vote of Thanks I'd refered to my in laws as brother in laws/sister in laws.The in laws got together led my MIL,"Phillip how can you say brother in laws it is brothers in law".I defended myself,"Mum in the US they use brother in laws".The US marines to the rescue.

So even being a BA(Hons) in English it's of no avail.I've to Americanise myself.Americanize!

So I typed in "supercede" in my Word Web that resides in my systems tray and sure enough it didnt blink an eyelid and displayed,"Take the place or move into the position of".Ditto with "supersede".Obviously the spelling that most people use gets accepted.

Indians have a very ambiguous and unenviable position since we study the Queen's English but work as back office to the US with US spelling and in Tennessee we have to speak,"Hey hows youse guys" and in Texas with a drawl.In all probability the person on the American end would possibly be a Punjabi or Turkmenistani.Anyway better sense has prevailed now and the Call Centre and others who visit USA are taught NUETRAL ENGLISH,what ever that means!.

But I'd like to caution you "supersede" is still supersede in all the dictionaries that I perused.

To annoy the Anglophiles listen to this song

 

Deft Definitions for 2008
Mood:  on fire
Now Playing: Nelly Furtado on Local FM: For you?
Topic: Corporate English

QIB- QUIXOTIC INDIAN BLUNDER

HNI - HAS NO IDEA

FII- FURIOUS IMPOVERISHED INVESTORS

PMS- PREMEDITATED SCAM

SIP - SUICIDE BY INVESTING PATIENTLY

FUND MANAGER - LAST YEAR'S ACE STOCK PICKER NOW LOCKED UP IN AN ASYLUM

INVESTOR- SOMEONE WHO IS BROKE

BROKER - WORSE OFF THAN AN INVESTOR

CORRECTION- THE NEXT DAY AFTER YOU BOUGHT SHARES

MOMENTUM BUYING - THE FINE ART OF BUYING HIGH AND SELLING LOW

VALUE BUYING - THE ART OF BUYING LOW AND SELLING EVEN LOWER

15:23:2615:23:3115:23:31

Vincent Van Gogh's Family Reunion
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: You are the sunshine of my love STEVIE WONDER
Topic: Everyday English

Vincent Van Gogh's Family Reunion After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were: His obnoxious brother.................. Please Gogh His dizzy aunt ...............................Verti Gogh The brother who ate prunes...........Gotta Gogh The constipated uncle ..............................Cant Gogh The brother who worked at a convenience store.....Stopn Gogh The grandfather from Yugoslavia...............U Gogh The brother who bleached his clothes white.....Hue Gogh The cousin from Illinois...................................Chica Gogh His magician uncle..................................Wherediddy Gogh His Mexican cousin......................................Amee Gogh The Mexican cousin's American half brother..........Grin Gogh The ballroom dancing aunt............................Tan Gogh A sister who loved disco.............................Go Gogh The nephew who drove a stage coach .......Wellsfar Gogh The bird lover uncle...................................Flamin Gogh His nephew psychoanalyst.......................E Gogh The fruit loving cousin.............................Man Gogh An aunt who taught positive thinking........Wayto Gogh The little bouncy nephew..........................Poe Gogh And his niece who travels the country in a van... ...Winnie Bay Gogh

The Sari is a Very Forgiving Dress
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: Pinetop is the top by Pinetop Perkins Classical Blues http://1club.fm on iTunes
Topic: Oddities
The world's most expensive saree.....

Silk Sari How often have you come across a Rs. 40 lakh ($100,000) silk saree? Chennai Silksof its kind and it is seeking an unmistakable entry into the Guinness Book of World Records for being the most unique and expensive saree. The exceptionally stunning saree is meticulously woven with 12 precious stones and metals to depict 11 of Raja Ravi Verma's popular paintings. Explicitly projected is 'Lady Musicians' Besides, the border of the saree pictures 10 other paintings of the artist that pays tribute to 20th century artist. The best part of the saree being that the women in the paintings are intricately hand-woven and beautified with jewels of gold, diamond, platinum, silver, ruby, emerald, yellow sapphire, sapphire, cat's eye, topaz, pearl and corals. Already in the Limca Book of Records, this 40 lakh saree will be the first silk saree that required the use of 7,440 jacquard hooks and 66,794 cards during the weaving process. Moreover, a group of consummate workers took nearly 4,680 hours

Saying it as he sees in a foreign language ie English
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Zinda hun main
Topic: Everyday English

INDIAN COW
He is the cow.The cow is a successful animal.Also he is 4 footed, and because he is female, he gives milks. He is same like God , sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement.

What can it do? Various ghee,butter, cream, curd,why and the condensed milk and so forth. And he is also useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, and also his gober is much useful to farmers, plants and trees and is used to make flat cakes, in hand and drying sun.

Cow is the only animal that extricates after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in hte meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child.This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapond to be parralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forewards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.

The palms of his feet are soft onto the touch.So the grasses head is not crushed.At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow...........


Send this to your english teacher........... She is surely gonna committ SUICIDE

ENJ O Y THESE FA C TS O F LIFE  

Money is not everything
There's MasterCard & Visa.
(My banker tells me - It is the only thing!!)

One should love animals
they are so tasty.

Love thy neighbor
But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is one woman
and behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry
after all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

Wise never marry
and when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term
It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.

Love is photogenic
It needs darkness to develop

A good discussion is like a miniskirt
Short enough to pertain interest and
long enough to cover the subject

Children in backseats cause accidents
Accidents in backseats cause children

There should be a better way to start a
day than waking up every morning

" ALC O H O L KILLS SLOWLY"
So what? Who's in a hurry?

" Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk! (I don't want to be an exception!)

"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours!

God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

When two's company,
three's the result!

A dress is like a barbed fence
It protects the premises without restricting the view

The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget,
The more you forget, the less you know  

 

Your future depends on your dreams
So go to sleep

Hollywood Gibberish
Mood:  irritated
Topic: Corporate English
Quote of the Day ~~
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

******
Hollywood Phrases

Verbs

to schmooze - befriend scum
to pitch - grovel shamelessly
to brainstorm - feign preparedness
to research - procrastinate indefinitely
to network - spread disinformation
to collaborate - argue incessantly
to freelance - collect unemployment

Nouns

agent - frustrated lawyer
lawyer - frustrated producer
producer - frustrated writer
writer - frustrated director
director - frustrated actor
actor - frustrated human

Compound words

high-concept - low brow
production value - gore
entry-level - pays nothing
highly qualified - knows the producer
network approved - had made them money

Financial terms

net - something that apparently doesn't exist
gross - Michael Eisner's salary
back-end - you, if you think you'll ever see it
residuals - braces for the kids
deferral - don't hold your breath
points - see "net" or "back-end"

Common phrases

You can trust me - You must be new
It needs some polishing - Change everything
It shows promise - It stinks rotten
It needs some fine tuning - Change everything
I'd like some input - I want total control
It needs some honing - Change everything
Call me back next week - Stay out of my life
It needs some tightening - Change everything
Try and punch it up - I have no idea what I want
It needs some streamlining - Change everything
You'll never work in this town again - I have no power whatsoever.